Crawling
by Broken Tourniquet
Summary: She didn't want it to come to this but it had. She's just thankful that it was Sam who had made her do it. Even if she can't tell Sam what she needs to hear Sam wouldn't leave her for the world. Lara has to face more than herself. Nothing is ever easy is it?
1. Crawling

Have you ever looked into the mirror and just saw someone completely different? You give yourself a hard look and the person you see is SO different and SO hard to look at that it turns your stomach to even give a glance? That's what I'm doing and I can feel my insides twist and turn telling me to look away because that isn't you and I know it is. What can I do? I want who I was back. I don't want this and I look away into the bedroom thinking my escape is there. She's not...she told me this morning she was going to do something or go somewhere but I completely tuned her out. I didn't mean to but I did and she gave me this hurt look...it stung. Instead of arguing about it she gave me a sad smile and brought me back to reality. She reminded me of the appointment today and asked me to go as if I'd back out from agreeing.

I think she was just worried it'd be too much though I need it. She didn't push me even if she had give me a little shove in the right direction. She just asked me to go actually that isn't even right. She begged me to go and she never begs for anything like this. She kept telling me over and over that I needed it I needed the help and every time I turn around afraid that a small touch was someone going to kill me it's just her trying to reach me. It makes me feel like the devil in a way. I don't understand WHY she stays with me through this and continues to be my pillar because I am certainly not standing very well. Something gleamed in her eyes too and It reminded of why I love her. I love her so god damned much but I can't even say like it'd be a curse for her to hear. Like I'd have condemned her right then and there to death. THAT scared me and even as she left this morning with an awkward silence I opened my mouth to tell her but the words where stuck in my throat and then she was gone. It's not that hard to say "I love you Sam." With all the love I have for her is it? I can tell every night in the uncomfortable choking silence that she needs to hear it but won't push for it. Why Sam? If you can push me to do this why can't you ask for the words?

I abruptly move from the mirror to scared of my reflection to continue to stare at it as I think I'm in front of my bed with a set of clothes in front of me. I didn't lay them out. There's a note on them that reads "Had to wash it sorry 3 ,Love Sam" Her name was scribbled fancily. My heart ached at the last two words. Do you need to hear it or do you want to hear it Sam? I don't know anymore but I am thankful she washed the hoodie. I'd let it go for a few days and hated going out because the world seemed to be in shade's of grey and red now...except Sam. Sam is contrasted from everything else and it hurts more to think about. I've this beautiful...iridescent...person in front of me helping me and I push her away. I'm surprised she's been with me this long. I'd never have started going if she hadn't tried to help me.

I wake up every night in sweat from nightmares and the littlest sounds to my Flight or Fight kicked on only now it seems like hurt or murder. I don't like it. I HATE IT. Anything can set me off and I hate it. Sometimes I think it's better if I was just locked up just so I couldn't hurt anyone. I can't be in a crowd and I certainly hate being around people. My world spins in front of me as I pull the hoodie on over some shirt I paid no attention to. Hiding my face didn't help it just made me feel like I was hidden among everyone else. Wish I had gloves because I stare at the scars on my hand my stomach instantly drops. Everyone of these reminds me how I survived and why I did it. I murdered people and I did it for survival. I'll never hate the reason for it because my reason for surviving was Sam and the others. I had to kill to survive and I could see most of the faces like they where burned into my retina's un able to soothe away.

It tares me apart to think that I killed someone's father, son, nephew, uncle, brother, or just someone important to them. They'll never get to see that person again because of ME and what I had to do for the people I was responsible for that I cared about when over half of them died. Great job right? I did a superb job and they're dead probably hating me. I don't blame them you know. I want to make it up to them but I can't.

I pull on a leather jacket not caring how it looked. I just wanted to feel hidden and it worked a little but I felt no better than before. After I've tied my shoes I look across the table to find a new phone and remember Sam telling me she got me a brand new one so I wouldn't have to put up with any media service contacting me. It only had HER number on it. Her new one. I had that memorized by heart. I practically engraved it into my memory. I think I remember her telling me about a special something on it for me. I picked it up and it was a little heavier than mine but it wasn't a big deal as I somehow managed to find my way to a music library. It looked fancy but I gave a frown as I saw a couple that where titled "Roth" and "Thank you" I forced the lump in my throat down and opened the one titled Roth turning the volume up so I could hear it clearing.

"So Mr. Roth what would you like to tell Lara for the big day?" It was Sam...I remembered this. This was shortly before we graduated Uni.

"I'd just like to congratulate the little Croft," He said with a chuckle. "I'm proud of er." My stomach dropped. "But eh don't forget you did it too Nishimura." He told her sternly.

"I'm surprised too." She meant that. She NEVER thought she'd do it but I kept pushing her to do her best. "But hey we can atl east celebrate now!" She exclaimed in victory. "Get down and dirty you know-"

"I'm leaving." He grunted. "But Lara I am proud of you girl. I'm proud of the little heathen too."

I sat back straining to keep the lump down and my eyes clear. Goddamn it was not fair. He sounded SO proud of me. He sounded so happy to have been with me at that point. I missed him so much. So damned much. He was proud of me but he was gone and I know he'd never change a thing even if he could. I felt terrible too now because of me Alisha wouldn't get to know her father ever. I am such a monster.

Before I could think about it anymore I clicked the last file. It started with Sam cursing at someone. I wanted to chuckle at that and might have if she didn't sounded pissed at them. She cleared her throat though and sighed sounding a little more relaxed.

"Hey sweetie," She sounded a little tired to be honest. "I know I'm not there right now but I...wanted to thank you for doing this. I know you don't want to and I'm really really sorry for that. I'm not even going to try to argue my reasoning for it but I just want you to be you. I want to look in the mirror and be happy with who you are because you aren't the monster or the demon you think you are," She noticed? I didn't try to hide it so I'm not sure why I was surprised. "I'm sorry I forced you to do this. I'm sorry I- SHIT!" A loud boom could be heard over it making me jump up and grip the chair I was sitting. "Fuck...that's just ridiculous. I can't believe I-" She was upset with herself for reacting like she did. I didn't even realize she... "Whatever...Sweetie Thank you for this. It won't fix everything but- just thank you so so so much." She sounded so exhausted. "I can't thank you enough for everything. I-" Say it Sam. Please say it. I could hear the strain in her voice like I'd have when I tried to say it. "will talk to you when you come home. Take care sweetie. Love Sam."

With my grip on the chair I am surprised it didn't break. I cursed myself inwardly gritting my teeth as I let go and watched my hand turn back to it's normal color. I stared at the phone before checking the clock. Yeah I have thirty minutes to get there. It'd take me that long if I walked. No too many people. Way too many people so I just call a cab. He's there in a couple of minutes and gives a smile and nod as I get in. He could tell by my expression I guess that I didn't want to talk and stayed quiet after I gave him the address. He gave me looks every once i awhile. I guess just to see if I was okay. I wasn't but ignored him.

When I got there I tried to pay him but he just waved me off inside. I only nodded not feeling like I should fight about this and ignored everyone as I made way into the building. It wasn't busy and I was told to wait that he'd be with me in a moment. I sat in a chair and waited.

I didn't want to be here but I could not blame Sam for that or for me being here. It was bound to happen. I am glad I am here and I am glad it was Sam who has brought me to do this. I am so sorry Sam for everything I am putting you through. You have your own problems but you're taking care of me like you owe me something. You don't owe me anything. I owe you everything, I owe you the world, and I am sorry I can't give it too you. Please never give up on me. Please just don't. Wait and I'll tell you how much you've done for me, how much I cherish you, and everything you've done for me. Sam..


	2. Voice of want

Lara's home. You know how I can tell? I just heard a bottle crash as I opened the door and I get why she did it and we had a talk before but she's paranoid and unbelievably so at that too. She sets a beer bottle up against the knob in a way that if it's turned it crashes to the floor but I can also tell Lara is home by the nearly invisible head that pops through her bedroom door. Still on guard however until I enter the room fully with no one behind me holding a weapon to my head she comes out inch by inch. "Lara-"

"...Sorry.." She mutters and with a wave of visible relief washing over her she walks into the kitchen for the broom I suppose. I want to say something about her appointment but I don't. I leave it blank...for the moment. It took a bit for her to go to the damn guy I in NO WAY want to push her to tell me anything because well that did great before didn't it? "Habit." Lara tells me as I step out of the way for her to clean up the mess.

"It's fine." I give her a timid smile before looking at the coffee table. There's her new phone. "You like it?" I ask.

"What?" I point to the phone and she gives me this look...this smile and it IS genuine for the first time in I don't even know how long! It warms me it really does and she stands there smiling at me with the dustpan as she speaks. "Yeah it's lovely." She means it too and it surprises me that it's not a hollowed response.

_'She's selfish...Sam...'_ A voice tells me in the back of my head and it's irritating.

"Thank you Sam...for the message. I appreciate it a lot." Her eyes give me this little I guess it's a sparkle if you can call it that and it gives me this rush of an image of old Lara. For a split second she is who she was before and I.. _'Look again'_ the voice rings and the image is replaced with an image of Lara in her hoodie bloodied and- The voice! MY voice! If it is that tells me four words.

FOUR FUCKING WORDS AND I CAN FEEL MY THROAT TIGHTEN. I can feel a sting of tears coming. "I-uh am going to b-bed." Before Lara can stop me I'm already in my room and have the door slammed as I hear my name called.

This isn't how I should be dealing and I know it's not but it's my way of doing even as shitty as it is. I turn my radio on pop in a mixed CD set it to shuffle and turn it up just loud enough to drown out the shitty piping, Lara's knocks, my sniffles, and the outside world as my coat goes flying across my bed hitting the floor on the other side.

My jaw tightens and I fall back onto my bed and bury my eyes in my palms trying not to let a thing out and you know this is ironic to me. I've seen Lara like this- but I'd never have thought I'd be like this. I mean come on! This is like some shit you see in those depressing movies were they get a happy ending because the writers couldn't think of a better way or a more...better way for it to end!

Like I mean come on! If someone is that messed up and broken throughout the entire thing and not once shown a sign of getting better through the entire fucking thing I doubt they'd be 'cured' by the end because they heard 'ohmygod I love you so much! Get better now!' it just isn't possible you know?

No. Now you see what i just did? Yeah. Some fucking cope mechanism that is. Bullshit right? Like I don't even have a reason to feel like this and yet I AM. I can't even get passed something that wasn't my fault! 'Maybe it is' I swear to god...'maybe it is and you deserve this guilt. This emptiness.'

Emptiness? I think I- I'm not empty! I-i'm fine! I can feel normally...i'm just out of whack. I am just whining about things I don't have a right to complain about it's no wonder Lara pushes me away because If I did it before and the state she's in I would too.

_'She's a killer.'_ Now wait a minute that isn't fair. '_She's a murder.'_ No she- _'She's thirsty for death to herself.'_ Wait- _'And it's all your fault.'_ WAIT A SECOND!

_'So why are you trying to help her? Why do YOU such a selfish person care?'_ every word stings like a knife pressed to your neck ready to slice it open.

Why DO I care? That's obvious isn't it? Because she deserves better, She needs better. _'Why?'_ Because she shouldn't be this broken. _'Why?'_ Because she's ruining herself and I can't stand to see that. _'Why?'_ Because she's... _'Why?'_ Because... _'Why?'_ Because.. _'Samantha WHY?'_ Because I need her!

Oh shit...I said that out loud. I hastily clamp a hand over my mouth. This goddamned voice makes me want to rip my hair out.

_'Why do you need her?'_ Because I wouldn't be here without her._ 'True. Try again.'_ She's my best friend...and family._ 'Again.'_ Fuck you. '_I am you so try again.'_ Because she- I..._'Good.'_

Why...? _'You realized it once before surely you can do it again. You must want what you cannot have.'_ Fuck off..._'But if you must tell her-'_

I can't tell her. I'm not THAT Selfish and I HAVE TO be strong for her. I know she's strong but sometimes she's needs a push...I have to be strong enough to- Wait Lara Knocked?!

I'm already at my door and looking out the hallway but she's not there...I can't believe I JUST noticed...Jesus I'm such a fucking idiot.


	3. Fractured

NOTE: Thank you to the few who have reviewed I appreciate it! :) It has taken me long enough right?

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I bob my head to the beat just a little and slump in my chair. I'm sure that what I'm doing isn't helping but when all I can hear is a constant loud wave of water like I was drowning in it or the gurgling of someone choking on their blood by my hands...anything is better than curling up with my hands cupped around my ears begging the world to just stop but never actually saying a word and I KNOW she is going to be furious but it drives me insane. She music isn't exactly soft, but it's not hard either so it's perfect to just listen too and sit here bloody...I forgot about her quirks in music. You'd think it'd be just dance or pop, right? She'll listen to anything if it's good even if it's out of her preferred genre which changes a bit. She has playlists titled for every kind of emotion or situation which is quirky I guess, but it's always funny that she know's what song to play at the right moment.

All I had to do was click on a playlist and it was oddly soothing to be honest. I'm going to have to ask her to copy some of this stuff for me if she doesn't kill me you know? Thinking about that makes me sigh and slump a little in my chair because I hate seeing her mad so why did I do this? Because the screams and the heat from the fire I felt those months ago won't go away, of course! Do you know what's complete bullshit people tell you? 'It's not your fault. You had no choice.' this has been shit for me lately simply because people just tell me this to get a smile and can't stand me killing myself from the inside because I HAD to kill and now I have to deal with people who only care for coverage or to meet a survivor when I can't handle myself or how angry not only I am but how angry the world is at me for not coming out completely fine.

I lift the bottle to my lips and take a gug. I am not a drinker, but the flashes and surreal hands dragging me in my dream trying to choke me seemed to both calm down and get worse as soon as I started drinking. I don't even know what I'm drinking, but it's helping thought it tastes like piss. It's not whisky I know that, but it is strong and there wasn't much of the bottle anyways. The hands and faces of the people i've- my victims...be standing at the edge waiting and that is far scarier than before so I take another swig and sigh sadly because as soon as I fall asleep I know it'll happen.

I'm haunted by the Island that tried to kill me...and by surviving I came out worse than a survivor, I feel like a murder and a damn dangerous one at that. Heh so much so I don't want to touch anyone and anyone who touches me without warning is put in danger themselves. The other day I was out because things were too tense here and some poor bloke touched my shoulder scaring me and what did I do? I hurt him...an innocent man and I hurt him. I broke his wrist and I'm sure there's a near permanent mark on his neck where I put my hand ready to pop his head for trying anything yet I realized I was in the bloody park and I just- I can't keep doing this! Every turn or move I could hurt someone who doesn't deserve! All I am is a famous man's daughter who became a murderer and should probably be locked up with no way out.

I take another drink, but this time something drops on my face. It's blood from my fist. I forgot about my breakdown as my mind was consumed about everything else. I was in the bathroom...I'm not even me anymore, I can't recognise my own face perhaps the person in the mirror is who I really am? But they feel like a stranger...I was tired of trying to look at her me in the mirror and stomach all the things she's done, all the blood she's collected in her palms, and I just couldn't stand it anymore. When I realized what happened the mirror was smashed and my fist was bleeding and all I could think is "all the blood I have on my hands should be mine and not anyone else's." and my face was wet with my own tears.

I have become so numbed to the world that I could feel the pain coming from my bloody knuckles, but I didn't care and I didn't care that I was crying. I just didn't care because I don't feel human anymore, I feel like a monster who deserves to be left to rot in her own problems, fears, sins, and blood but I know I deserve a little help. I know this is not me but it feels like me and I can't help but feel so lost and scared at that that the fact I am even sitting here in this chair breathing is a miracle that just shouldn't be. I know so many conflicting things and I feel so many things yet at the same time I feel so void and empty should be a clue as to how fucked up I am then again I'm not even sure how fucked up that is. I'm just not okay I know that and when the click of the door lock sounds my heart drops and I put my hand over my face forgetting about it being bloody and sure enough I get a bit on me.

"Lara?" Comes that familiar voice. I am tempted not to answer so hopefully she'll think I am gone maybe not see me in this chair with a bottle of alcohol in my lap. I force myself to grunt in acknowledgement at her though. "Hey sweetie." Her voice sounds a little fragile but soft as always and I can hear her drop something on the floor and toss her jacket to the side as she steps closer. "What are you doing over there?"

"I don't know." I sound as exhausted as ever and she notices that because I can hear her in front of me and gasp, but I can't look at her. I'm afraid I'll see disappointment stamped on her face and I just can't deal with that that as I calculated her footsteps stop at the bathroom but she goes dead silent. "I don't know anymore." More walking...but she's still silent I can already feel my eyes well up knowing she must not like me much right now. "Sam?" I manage to ask. I can feel the bottle in my lap be lifted off and hear it set on the coffee table.

To my surprise she takes my bleeding hand gently, carefully moves it as well as my arm I draped over my forehead and the expression on her face isn't what I thought it'd be oh no it isn't. It isn't even pity it's just sadness pure sadness and she looks hurt at my puffy eyes and red nose I'm sure of. "Oh sweetie..." She says in a low voice and runs her thumb over my hand but careful not to touch where I cut it and it makes me want to cry more but only because she's the ONLY family I have now and the fact I am a danger to her hurts. "Come on..." She tells me and takes my other hand as she waits for me to stand. "Careful." She tells me gently as I stand up but nearly fall over but she helps me get my balance and puts a hand on my hip until I have it.

She leads me to her room, did she know I hated mine? I don't know but for whatever reason she sat me down and told me not to move and disappears. I'm not going to move after all I don't even have enough strength to do it as is it's like all my energy has been just wiped out of me completely and I wouldn't have even if I wanted too. I hear her moving around things and water running, but I don't inquire what it is nor do I wonder what she's doing I just let her do what she wants. Her room though is oddly soothing and more comfortable than mine lately. I hate it and I don't know why...

"Okay, sweetie back." She gives me a quick smile and places a bowl of water on the web and sits down. I hold the bowl so it doesn't spill and she thanks me but places it inbetween her legs and takes my wounded hand and dips a rag into the water. "Sorry.." She mutters in advance for the wet cold rag touching my hand, but I don't care that it hurts and I don't flinch. She looks to me for confirmation I'm okay and continues when she see's me watching her hand. "I'll clean the mirror up tomorrow." Her hand is smooth across my hand just dabs at the irritated open areas and stroking blood away with the rag. She's had experience doing this and I'm a cause for that. "I-" I look up at her, but she takes a look at me and just shrugs it off which is unlike her. I can't speak at least not right now. I don't have the energy. "There all done now I have to bandage it okay?" I nod, she turns my hand over and bandages it. The cloth overlaps each layer until she's satisfied and I stopped for a second and thought about it. It's a lot like Sam... She adds layers of distraction to herself.

I start to get up, but she stops me. "Stay. Sleep. I have to finish a project anyways." She gives me a warm smile and I would protest but exhaustion gets to me and I decide perhaps it isn't a bad idea. She stands up and heads to my room which I can tell is my room because the crooked door gives her problem and she jiggles the handle a little and when she comes back she hands me a pullover hoodie. "I didn't get a chance to do laundry today and your shirt has blood on it." She explains. I didn't need a reason. I am out of it and I'd have put it on anyways. I'm not exactly in my best condition so I sloppily toss my shirt to the side and pull it on as she takes care of the bowl and rag. I pull the hood over my face and rest my cheek against her mattress and splay my legs out as I drape my arms over my face.

I can hear her sigh as she as she rubs my back before her weight on the bed disappears and I hear her sit in her chair in front of a computer. _'I don't care, I don't care, I do not care.'_ I tell myself in hopes nothing will disturb my dreams nor drag me under the sea and drown me like the previous night. I fell asleep as I heard the music turn off and clothes rustle around.

When I did dream it wasn't like before. I was floating beneath the surface of the water and below in the depths I could see hands reach out to me and voices tell me I didn't deserve to live but I could feel myself mouth back to them that I only did what I had to survive and if I didn't then...Sam and the others would be dead. They kept shouting. I couldn't talk and I couldn't move. I was just a floating body with a soul attached in this water that was slowly turning red. Is this how it's going to be? Me drifting inbetween the grey, red, and blue?


	4. Fractured Part 2

AN: Alrighty. This one is a bit more...calm I guess? I'm not sure you could call it that but enjoy! And thank you to those that are liking this an supporting it! 

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I'm pretty sure I could have waited to do this until tomorrow and I'm not sure what compelled me to do it right now but as I walk into store I get this gut feeling I am going to regret it still I'm already here so why not just get what I came for and get it over with? The store is small, but the closest to our apartment and I shouldn't be gone for long in case Lara wakes up.

It's scary how easily I've become to wake up and I guess I have had to be for a similar reason Lara is. We're scared shitless and she may not admit it but I sure as hell will, because I wake up every night to the slightest squeak and grab the nearest object. Thankfully half the time it's just Lara being paranoid, other nights...it's Lara waking up from a nightmare and it's gotten worse. The other night she woke up and was delusional I don't know what it was but her dream was so bad when I found her she was in the kitchen whispering "Solari..." and she looked like she was sleep walking so I wasn't sure if I should wake her up or not until she reached for a knife I had to shake her a little till she opened her eyes and asked me what was happening. I led her to bed and stayed until she slept but kept my door open when I went to bed.

Tonight though...she broke the mirror. Why the hell would she do that? I mean I guess I can see why because even my image of me is distorted, but her fist didn't looks so great...I know I am going to have to convince her to see a doctor about it and she won't like it but I'm not a doctor and It'd probably just be a lot safer if she saw a professional instead of her best friend who googled a few things.

Before I know it I have of pain killers in my hand, a box of bandages, and I stop in front their small collection of candy because you know I haven't had something sweet in awhile. I should probably get Lara something too while I'm at it because she might like it and if not? It's only a few bucks I spent. No biggie. I pick a couple of chocolate bars and get a couple of cokes.

I stop though before heading to one of the four registers. I...I thought I saw someone out of the corner of my eye but push it to the side as if it's nothing because it can't be, anything...right? I don't know I have been really paranoid lately and I'm not sure why. That was a lie I do know why but the island is behind us like six fucking months behind us.

When I reach the register the woman is nice and asks the usual "hi how are you?" stuff and before long I am ready to go. She bids me farewell and I smile. When I'm in my car I take a second to think and put my bag and purse in the passenger seat before clutching the steering wheel and sigh deeply. 'Get your head together Sam. Got to be strong remember?' I tell myself. The truth is: I'm not sure how much stronger I can be especially if I keep getting forced into the corners I'm forced into. As it is I want to tell everyone to fuck off even though dad wouldn't enjoy that, but I really don't care.

I've taken care of as much 'in person' media events as I can so Lara doesn't have to and I've done all of the things that father has asked me to but it's just piling up on me. I KNOW I am going to be asked to do all those things again and I can see why Lara prefers home right now instead of being out there because people will recognize us immediately and try to get an interview or get a picture etc. But it's whatever to them I guess. I make my quick return home.

When I walk inside my bedroom light is on and I freeze waiting for someone to run out at me...but it's just Lara and I sigh in relief to myself. I might have had a mini heart attack.

"Hey sweetie," I tell her as I slip out of my shoes and jacket throwing my purse aside. She rubs an eye and still has bags under her eyes but grunts at me. I stop when I'm a few feet in front of her. "Couldn't sleep?" I ask softly.

"I did, but you weren't there," She sighed tiredly at me still looking pretty exhausted. "It didn't feel okay with you not in your room." She admitted. Kind of funny to hear that to be honest. She always hated being in my room when I wasn't there. I guess because it's my room its more natural for me to be in there? "Where'd you go?"

"I just went to the store to pick up a few things." I smiled lifting the plastic bag up in front of her.

"Sam," She told me firmly. "I don't think we have much more room for fifty plus shoes." I wrinkled my nose and hit her playfully. She actually joked! She hasn't joked in months! I couldn't help but laugh at her and she just stood there watching me with tired eyes.

"How's your hand?" I asked motioned to the bandaged hand.

"It hurts a little.." I nodded.

"I got something for that. It may not help much, but it's something." She nodded and turned around heading back to my room. She was slow, but I was patient especially with the glass I picked up before I left, I'm not sure I picked it all up. I was glad she was too tired to care otherwise she might not have joked and I really needed that joke to be honest. I needed the laugh.

When we were back in my room I sat her down on my bed again and tried to open the bottle of medicine. Unfortunately, I couldn't so Lara took it from me and did it handing the bottle back to me. I gave her a couple and handed her a coke which she downed with no problem I guess that bottle of alcohol she had wasn't enough. It wasn't much to begin with anyways and it's not the best.

"Alright sweetie go back to sleep-"

"I can't." She interrupted. When I asked why not she just shrugged and gave me a sad look. That look always killed me to be honest. I hated it then and I hate it now...Still I got what she meant. She didn't want to sleep because she didn't want a bad dream or one of the ones that knocks you awake sweating and panting as hard as ever regardless of the temperature. I pointed to the dream catcher behind her above my bed on the wall and smiled when she looked and rolled her eyes at me. "Very clever." She muttered probably thinking I couldn't hear her.

"Okay," I told her and stood up from my chair throwing her a candy bar. "Lay down." She gave me a look that said "no no no" but I simply told her "I didn't say I was making you go to sleep." She gave me a look. "Just lay down I am going to entertain you until you fall asleep." She sighed and laid down. I rolled in next to her and gave her an ear bud. "Cats or dogs?" I asked. I guess she didn't understand what I meant because she asked me what I was talking about. "Shit ton of Disney movies it is." I sighed.

Thank god for Netflix. She ended up falling asleep about half the way through our third movie that I wasn't paying attention to with one of her hands on my shoulder and her mouth pressed against that hand. She slept soundlessly and I was thankful she did because she'd been up for a few nights straight now. I could probably stand to sleep a little more, but she definitely needs it more right now. I have to say I don't understand why, but she's pretty damn gorgeous doing anything especially sleeping next to me with either a messy ponytail or her hair down she's just gorgeous.

I pulled the earbud out of her ear and put my phone under my pillow because I couldn't quite get up and put it on my nightstand. I pushed a few bangs out of her eyes to behind her ear and kissed her forehead. She stirred for a little bit but went back to sleep in practically no time. By the time, I fell asleep I was sure it was a couple hours later, but I didn't mind it. I was actually content at that moment. Call me anti-climatic because of earlier with the mirror and things but I didn't need much more than I had at that moment. I had my best friend, some clarity, time to think, and I fell asleep like that. I slept pretty good too except of her.

Of course, I dreamt of her! When everything is perfect why wouldn't I?! Himiko just loves to ruin your dreams and thoughts. I hadn't heard that annoying at all for the past week until my dream went from good to bad very bad.

I was locked in a room and at first I didn't know where I was or what the fuck was going on until I heard that annoying headache raising voice I had since we got back. I thought it was just my consciousness you know? No. When I saw the queen standing there and her lips moving I realized who it was. It wasn't just some voice I made up...it was hers. Why would I create her voice though? Is this some kind of after effect of what they did to me? Or did a piece of her soul attach to me?

When I could feel her hands around my neck and my body turn cold at her touch slowly as I gasped for air and her skin went from black and blue to colors I realized that she was slowly sucking me dry. THIS was my dear. I feared she was still taking me over and I was going to loose myself. Even worse than that? Lara did come to save me, but Himiko stuck her with lightning. I was afraid I was going to kill Lara by letting Himiko win...well I never was fearless to begin with.

Lara and I, we're fractured. Somehow though she's kept me together.


End file.
